The Adventures of Kerri & Matt

Our hotel had 3 full waterparks. We don’t even know how many pools!

It had lazy rivers, two of which were high speed.

It was kind of fun except that getting out involved getting wet.

Which Kerri was not a fan of.

This is the main outdoor waterpark.

This is the private outdoor waterpark for people staying at the hotel only.

We do not have pictures of the indoor waterpark. The outdoor theme park had several wooden roller coasters, including the only wooden roller coaster that goes upside down, which is suspiciously made of metal.

But almost all of the rides at the outdoor theme park were various go kart tracks. Given that we were mostly in Wisconsin Dells to break up a very long drive, driving less comfortable cars in a loop did not seem very appealing. So we skipped all of those.

We won’t even talk about the “indoor theme park”, which consisted of a few of those coin operated mall rides and an arcade.

Noah’s Ark Waterpark is the largest waterpark in North America.

The largest waterpark in the world is in Germany, and Kerri couldn’t find a way to make that on a road trip from Toronto to Vancouver.

The second largest in North America is West Ed.

This was not the best slide,

But it completely drenched you

In ice cold water.

Which meant that we went back to the locker to grab towels and warm up.

Which means that we had access to the camera.

Kerri’s favourite was black anaconda, which is a water coaster. That means it has a series of conveyor belts to whisk you back up and down again really fast.

Matt’s favourite was the cobra.

Which starts out in the cobra’s tail as a twisty slide.

And then spits you out into the fan of the cobra.

Where you slide back and forth until you run out of momentum.

In case you don’t want to do slides, it also has a theatre where you can get wet watching Waterslide: the Movie, which was a CGI animation of someone sliding down a waterslide, or Journey 2, which featured Michael Cain and the Rock and was utterly ridiculous.

Flash flood also completely drenched you.

And all of the animals on the Ark.

Matt made Kerri stand in that cage under the Ark. You have to hold onto the railing so you don’t get washed away.

Kerri was unhappy.