The Adventures of Kerri & Matt

At the request of an overwhelming 31% of our readers (AKA Matt’s Mom), Kerri decided to visit the Markham Cow.

The cow is located in Cathedraltown, which is named because it has a Cathedral.

It also has a snail, but they don’t call it snailtown.

The residents of Cathedraltown all live in nearly identical houses, each of which is worth at least as much as the $1,200,000 cow.

Their houses all have tiny well tended gardens.

The people are unhappy that they have to see the cow when they look out their front windows.

It is surrounded by Caution tape, which is only a slightly less attractive shade of yellow than the houses.

If feel sorry for the cow, who’s cold, dead eyes reflect the endless monotony of the Cathedraltown houses.

In fact every part of the cow’s anatomy reflects the endless monotony of the Cathedraltown houses.

Every single bit.

The hooves initially appear to be house-free, but if you look closely in the line between leg and hoof, there they are.

 

It almost makes you wonder if the guy who donated the two-story tall cow is just a peeping Tom that wanted a better view of someone’s second story window.

Would you rather have your house reflected in the front of a cow…

Or the rear?

At least it will be less reflective once it’s covered in bird poop.

If you are wondering what the weird handle is in the side, it’s not a handle. It’s just more reflected houses.

MOOOOOOOO

This is the High Park labyrinth. Kerri spent a long time searching for it because it sounds more fun than it is.

It was designed to make people more in tune with nature.

To accomplish this, they paved paradise and put up some modern art.

The instructions say to enter the labyrinth with a question or special intention in mind. Kerri’s question was “is this just a giant waste of space?”

Then you walk along the path. There are no choices, no dead ends, nothing of interest in any way. It is simply a long, snaking, unidirectional path. Finally, you wrap around the outside and get excited because you’re nearly done. But then they throw a jog to the right in there just to mess with you.

Then you are in the middle. Where you are supposed to spend as long as you like before turning around and walking the same path in reverse. Kerri spent only long enough to take a few bad selfies.

She did discover the answer to her question though. It’s actually a rather efficient use of space for fitbit owners. It is probably the most compact way to make someone walk 866 steps.

Of course it would make more sense if you installed it in your living room, instead of in a giant park with plenty of walking paths.

High Park is a park in Toronto.

It’s kind of like the Edmonton River valley, except much smaller and a much longer drive from home. Unless you can afford one of these homes. Which we cannot.

It also has slightly different wildlife.

And most of the paths are paved for the train.

And some areas look expensive.

Very expensive.

The off leash park has no grass.

There is a swimming pool but I didn’t swim.

According to the website there is ample free parking for any day of the year. Which convinced Kerri to drive instead of taking the train. Which is why Kerri had to drive around for 45 minutes looking for a spot.

This tree had fallen into the water.

The ducks were different than Edmonton ducks.

The boys have red eyes.

The chipmunks are pretty much like Alberta chipmunks.

But they are way more common in the city.

And they seem to be less timid.

The woodpeckers are also pretty much the same.

The squirrels are big scary grey ones.

They are evil. Just look into their eyes and you’ll see…Kerri’s reflection.

These ducks are more like Albertan ducks. But not quite.

They might be evil too.

This is a black-crowned night heron.

This is his bottom end when he took off.

They also have those “weird pelican things” which we have now seen on 6 different continents. But I bet Matt still can’t remember what they are called.

Swans are evil too.

And geese.

And whatever this floofed up little guy is.

This is Kemala, the Sumatran tiger at the Zoo.

Apparently she makes a good table.

The pictures get pretty gross so you might want to stop here.

She broke her lower canine, so she had to get a root canal.

It looks pretty awful.

It should be really long, like the one on her bottom right.

They put an IV in her back leg.

And a tube down her throat.

And a blanket to keep her warm.

They measured her pulse on her tongue.

Which is really spikey.

I have a feeling her tongue was pretty sore by the time they finished.

They moved it around a lot.

They had to give her lots of X-Rays.

And poke with spikey things.

And flush with flushing things.

Definitely not a good day to be a tiger.

Even a sleeping one.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

While she was asleep they gave her an ultrasound.

And checked her tail.

Then they finally finished and zapped her with the zappy thing.

And left her with a mouth full of gauze and a tooth that looked pretty much the same as when the started. But hopefully less likely to get infected.

Then they had to lift her up.

Then they put the net back over her and wheeled her out to recover.