This weekend we did two guided hikes to the Burgess Shale, one to the original Walcott Quarry, and one to the Stanley Glacier Formation. The sites are high in the Rocky Mountains, where rocks from the shale layer tumble from the sides of the mountain in small avalanches. The layers split, revealing fossils of sea life forms from the middle Cambrian, 505 million years ago. This is one of the richest source of fossils from this period in the world, and one of the earliest fossil beds we have with soft-part imprints.
Here are some of the ones we found, with our best guess about what they are on the right.
For this fossil Matt and I can’t even agree what kingdom it belongs in. He says sponge, I say algae. He has a Ph. D and spent a summer classifying diatoms on the BC coast with a key that wasn’t even in English. I vaguely remember what a key looks like from Bio 10. You can decide who to believe.
There were also TONS of trilobites. And partial trilobites, or trilobits . Matt and I also spent an hour arguing over which trilobite was which. Then I noticed that we don’t know all that much about trilobites in general, and basically all we know about the differences between them are shape and number of segments. So even if I could identify them, I wouldn’t have much to say about them.
These guys are actually a type of trilobite too, but they are easy to identify as Ptychagnostus praecurrensbecause they have big bums and only 2 segments. They also had no eyes.
I spent this weekend at Dinosaur National Park searching for fossils. It is by far the most underrated attraction in Alberta. You get to search the preserve and find hundreds of 75 million year old dinosaur fossils. I had signed up for their guided excavation program, but like every time I visit the desert, it rained, so the program was cancelled. I did get to do 3 shorter tours of the preserve: the sunset bus tour and two Great Badlands Hikes.
The park is absolutely beautiful. It has the sharpest transition from prairies to badlands I have ever seen. I thought I must be lost because my GPS said I should be getting close but all I could see in all directions were wheat fields. Then all of a sudden the ground just dropped away in front of me revealing miles of sculpted coulees and hoodoos.
Some of the greener pictures are closer to the river, but most of that is the effect of three days of rain. Everything was noticeably greener, and some of the cactuses were even blooming.
The preserve was incredible. There are so many fossils everywhere. Anything of value to science was removed, which basically means:
Juveniles and eggs
Diseased bones
Skulls
Articulated skeletons
Bones with bite marks
Everything else is basically just sitting there decaying. Which means that they let the tourists just come in and run all over, climbing the walls in search of fossils. There are 75 million year old bones everywhere, so many bones you can’t help but step on them.
This hadrosaur is buried inside a hoodoo. On one side you could see a leg, and on the other side is his jaw and hip.
This is a Gorgosaurus tooth I found. It is a member of the tyrannosaurus family, but predated T-Rex by about 8 million years. It was also smaller and more agile than T-Rex. If you look closely you can see little serrations on the side of the tooth, which is how we identified it.
This is an ornithomimid claw I found. It was kind of like a big, carnivorous ostrich. The picture on the right shows ornithomimids one on display at the Tyrell. They think that the grooves in the claw allowed it to stab it’s prey and then pull the claw back out quickly without creating a vacuum.
These are hadrosaur jaws. Their teeth grew out through the grooves, and were continually replaced.
This is a piece of a fossilized turtle shell.
There were also lots of huge bones that were harder to identify. Most of them were just eroding out of the sides of the walls. The one in the middle is a closeup of the one on the left. My phone is there for scale, it is 11.5 cm long. If you look closely at the picture I’m in, you can see that in addition to the large bones in front of me there are more behind me. They were everywhere!
I also found one fossilized leaf impression, which are very rare in this area.
Old quarry sites where full skeletons have been removed are marked with stakes like this one.
The landscape was also really neat and fun to climb. If you look closely at the sandstone, you can see most of the grains are the same size. The geologists use the size of the sand to calculate how fast the river was moving when the sand was laid down. It was not moving fast enough to carry heavier sand and pebbles, but it was moving fast enough that all of the silt and fine clay were carried away, leaving only a particular size of sand. From that they conclude that the river was flowing about 0.5 km/h. 75 million years ago!
Newer, unfossilized bones were easy to identify because they were bright and shiny. They also don’t stick if you lick your finger and touch them.
I didn’t see any snakes. The only wildlife was some deer and a cottontail.
These tiny little hoodoos were supposedly used as a backdrop in the Tim Allen movie Galaxy Quest.
The second Great Badlands Hike was cut short by a thundershower. The guide gathered us to give us some rules:
Stay away from the high levels, because with no trees you are a good target for lightning.
But don’t get too far from the walls, because you’ll need to run up them if there is a flash flood.
Be careful on the mudstone, a rock formed from ancient airbourne volcanic ash. It swells up when wet to form an incredibly slippery muck. I was quite familiar with it from my first trip to Drumheller with school when it rained all weekend and I came home with about double my weight in the stuff all over my clothing.
Shortly after he gave us those instructions it began to rain heavily, and half the tour group pulled out large umbrellas. I tried to explain to a German family that this wasn’t a great idea when trying to avoid lightning, but they told me it was OK because umbrellas are aluminum and don’t conduct electricity. I replied “so are power lines” but he just looked at me blankly.
But we all made it out OK .
There were also some self-guided hikes outside the preserve. They give some good views of the landscape, but no fossils. One of them goes out to the quarry site of two of the dinosaurs displayed at the Tyrell. The one on the right is a Gorgosaurus, like the owner of the tooth above. and an Euoplocephalus, which is a type of ankylosaur, well equipped to fend off the Gorgosaurus. He was armoured from head to toe, and even had bony plates on his eyelids that flipped up and down like shutters. His 2.5m long tail was tipped with a 30kg club. He weighed 2 metric tons and grew up to 6 meters long.
This picture shows the area, with the skeletons from the Tyrell superimposed. And between them you can see the top of another bone, just starting to be exposed!
Another trail went down by the river through the giant cottonwood trees. It was supposed to be a good spot to see birds, so I went in the cooler evening, but all I found were mosquitos.
The other trails were pretty boring, but I did find proof that dinosaurs are still wandering the park! Look at this footprint:
Matt says it’s just a hole left from a rock that moved, but I know the truth!
The thing about packing for a year carry-on only is that anything you wear doesn’t count toward your 10kg limit.
So I wanted Matt to get this jacket:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ4dyLVVXBI]
But he said “No, that’s ridiculous! And it doesn’t even have a hood!”
Which I had to admit is a good point. Does it never rain on secret agents? Do they use umbrellas? I would think they would want their hands free for their concealed knives, guns, handcuffs, and whatever is redacted from the jacket’s user manual:
Maybe their hair gel just repels water so well that they require no additional protection from the rain?
But where is the laptop going to go? And what if Matt gets shot in the chest?
Matt pointed out that if you want your laptop to be bulletproof you probably need to buy one made of metal. I told him that if he wore it in his jacket we could afford the extra pound to get a metal laptop! But then we’d be lugging the extra pound around all the time, and he’s not really planning to get shot.
So then I wanted him to wear this shirt:
But he refused to do that either.
So then we started discussing the other T-shirt options. And I told him to go with the blue one because it felt lighter. And he didn’t think there could be a significant difference.
And that’s how the T-shirts wound up in the kitchen scale.
His T-shirts ranged from 140g to 230g. Mine from 65g to 120g. His shirts literally weigh twice as much as mine! And they don’t even have pockets!
SPOILER ALERT: I think I have recreated the entire riveting script of the London Bridge Experience historical attraction below, nearly word for word. If you are foolish enough to want to do this attraction for yourself anyway, you will not be surprised. Of course the only thing about the experience that surprised me was that they continually managed to make it even worse as it went along.
Pieces of various London Bridges.
Husband Most Wise: How many London Bridges have there been anyway? Gullible Fool: I don’t know. This London Bridge Experience thing is free with the London Pass, and it’s too late to go anywhere else anyway. Want to try it? Husband Most Wise: The stupid horror thing with all the bad advertisements?
Gullible Fool: According to the guidebook:
“The London Bridge Experience is a unique and interactive journey through the deep, dark history of London. Travel through time and take a light-hearted look at 2000 years worth of history within London Bridge and the surrounding area. Watch Boudicca fight her battles against the Romans, get twisted up in the fates of traitors and their treachery but beware to keep your head! Be engulfed in the powerful Great London Fire and follow the gruesome and gory tales of Jack the Ripper. Finally, for those who dare, enter the bowels of the Bridge and be terrified, tormented and tricked within The Tombs.”
Gullible Fool: We can do the historical educational presentation and skip the horror attraction.
Fun Fact: The tombs of the London Bridge Experience are supposedly built in an old plague pit, and during construction workers found a skeleton. Whether this was true or just a publicity stunt during construction, it is apparently too terrifying for visitors of London’s scariest tourist attraction, because none of their current advertising material mentions it.
And so we waited in line for half an hour with an army of Chinese Tourists while bad actors in bizarre costumes attempted to terrify us. Finally we were let in down a bizarre walkway, out of which a mechanical bus bursts out like it is going to hit you. This terrified the Chinese tourists clutching their audio wand translators so much that they would not move ahead or let us pass.
When we finally made it through there was a room with a beautiful model of the bridge and signs describing the bridge history. Unfortunately I have no idea what they said, because we were immediately ushered out of this staging area into the next room. I wanted to stay behind and read the signs and sneak in with the next group, but Matt pointed out that they had taken a head count.
The next room was a scene of a burned and pillaged city.
Scary looking woman: “I am Boudica, Queen of the Celts! We have defeated the Romans and will have to destroy the bridge if we want to survive!…AH THE ROMANS! Run! Run! RUN!”
NOTE: Pictures were not allowed inside the London Bridge Experience. Therefore we have substituted images from sources with a substantially higher level of historical accuracy.
Chinese tourists: <Blank stares>
Eventually the wand translators caught up, and our group began trudging slowly toward the next scene. The actress continued to scream “RUN” behind us, as though yelling it louder might make the other 90% of our group speak English.
The next scene was a short, unmemorable jumble, complicated by the confused Chinese tourists. Possibly something about Vikings.
Fun Fact: There is no evidence that Vikings ever destroyed the London Bridge.
Then we “ran” toward an old man standing at the base of the bridge.
Old Man: “You are standing at the base of the great London bridge. This bridge is made of stone with wooden supports. Do you know what the problem with wood is? It burns. But don’t worry, it’s 1666 and London hasn’t had a big fire in ages…”
<Awkward pause>
Old Man: “So the other thing about stone bridges is that they are made by…
<Bridge catches fire>
Old Man (looking awfully relieved for someone who’s business just caught fire): “Oh No! Looks like I spoke too soon! The bridge is burning! Run! Run! RUN!”
The next scene was in a bar.
Bartender: You shouldn’t be here, especially with ladies. Jack the ripper is prowling about. He could be anyone. Even that gentleman over there. He does look nasty….
<Clattering noise>
Bartender: Ah that must be Jack outside now. I’ll get him. Follow me!
Fun Fact: The only connection between Jack the Ripper and the London Bridge is that they were once located in the same city.
The crowd pushed us forward to follow the man who had decided it was a good idea to go out in the dark to follow a noise he believed was caused by Jack the Ripper. Matt and I became separated.
Bossy Lady: Put your hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you. Do not let go under any circumstances.
Gullible Fool: Can I find my husband?
Bossy Lady: No! Hands on shoulders!Walk!
The world’s most morose conga line trudged forward.
Bossy Lady: Now you have made it through the historical part of our exhibit and are ready for the tombs, the scariest attraction in London!
Gullible fool: Wait, that wasn’t the horror attraction!?!
Bossy Lady: Anyone who is pregnant, with a heart condition or epilepsy needs to step aside now. This attraction is the scariest in all of London. You need to keep your hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you at all times. Please try not to punch anyone.
Gullible fool: I need to talk to my husband. I think he might be pregnant!
We were then escorted in the conga line down a flight of stairs to pose in front of a green screen. Because obviously everyone traveled all the way to London because they don’t have green screens at home.
Yes, I just photoshopped Matt in front of a greenscreen. We weren’t allowed cameras in front of the real greenscreen.
Photographer: Are you alone? Gullible fool: No, I’m with my husband. Photographer: Where is he? Gullible fool: I don’t know, we got separated. He’s back there somewhere. Photographer: Why don’t you go find him? Gullible fool: She yells at me whenever I take my hand off of this guy’s shoulders. Photographer: Well wait here for him.
<5 people later> Photographer: Isn’t he near you in line?
Gullible fool: If he was near me I would have found him by now!
Photographer: Go find him and bring him up here.
I traveled to the back of the line to find Matt with his hands on the shoulder of a Chinese Tourist.
Gullible fool: I think I’m pregnant. I think you might be pregnant too.
Husband most wise: You dragged me in here, now we’re doing this!
We were then put in a small black crate with a bench and a TV screen, and sat waiting for it to start. But nothing happened. Finally we realized they were just getting our eyes adjusted to the dark. We were left in there for 10 minutes.
Then we headed into “the tombs” in our conga line. Thankfully I was at the front. First we had to avoid some heads hanging down from the ceiling on strings. Then we entered “the squeeze”.
The squeeze is basically two giant air mattresses with a tiny space in between to walk through. It was only a bit tight for me, but Matt had to turn sideways and I’m not sure what they do for larger tourists. The most terrifying thing about it was the thought of how many tourist’s noses had been pressed against the disgusting plastic we were squeezing through.
Then we wandered through a nursery with a doll in a crib and a tape of kids singing “ring around the rosy”.
Next was a kitchen. A poorly lit kitchen with some blood, but other than that a fairly normal kitchen. Nothing interesting happened in the kitchen. And I don’t know anyone that is afraid of kitchens. I’m wondering if they accidentally led us through the lunchroom or something.
Then was the second squeeze (Because once just isn’t enough).
Finally was the Circus, in which a chainsaw wielding clown jumped out.
And then we were back out into the light.
Gullible fool: That was terrible.
Husband most wise: “A look of no shit sherlock” You owe me one.
Gullible fool: You better make it two, that was really, really terrible.
. Matt and I also spent an hour arguing over which trilobite was which. Then I noticed that we don’t know all that much about trilobites in general, and basically all we know about the differences between them are shape and number of segments. So even if I could identify them, I wouldn’t have much to say about them.
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