Warning: If you’re not interested in the new TV show “Ancient Works of Art: Shaft Shots Edition”, don’t scroll down.
David was originally supposed to go on the roof of the Cathedral.
But he was too heavy, and they couldn’t lift him, so he stood outside of the City Hall building that looks like a castle for centuries.
There is still a replica there, but the original got moved to a museum after his arm was broken off in a riot.
Next to him stands this lovely statue of Pluto and Prosurpina. It is made of stainless steel, but it is covered with a coating to give it the yellow-green sheen. Because if it wasn’t ugly, it wouldn’t be modern.
We went to the museum, because we’re such art connoisseurs we could totally tell the difference between the original and the replica.
The replica doesn’t have the vandalism that makes it look like he has toe fungus.
So we took our bad selfie and sat down to ponder the famous statue.
When heading out to fight Goliath, why did David grab his sling before his pants?
How did he find time for a manicure before grabbing the stone? Pants should definitely come before manicures in your giant fighting routine.
Why does he look like he’s scratching his chin from this angle?
Why are his pupils heart shaped? Is he slaying the giant or falling in love with him?
Why is his foot embedded in a tree stump?
Why is this ancient Jewish hero uncircumcised?
Why did Kerri take a picture from this angle? And is it too obscene to risk having it show up in everyone’s Facebook feed?
Here is one that only shows his upper body, just in case. The sling looks like something weirdly squishy and disgusting though.
You two are hilarious. I remember not being allowed to take pictures in the museum…were you secretly taking obscene pictures of David? 😉
Our 2015 guidebook said you couldn’t take pictures but the signs in the museum just say no flash. I think a lot of places have decided it’s hopeless to enforce now that everyone has a camera on their phone, so they are just giving up and allowing them.
The restoration of the Winged Victory at the Louvre in 2014 also relied on old tourist photos, and I think that may also be changing policies. They are realising the value of having absurd quantities of photos from different angles stored all over the world. In a few more decades you’ll probably be able to 3D print a replica from that data if a disaster takes out the original.
Hahahahaha I can’t believe how gutsy you two are! The circumcision analysis + close-up shot had me in stitches.
Good thing you guys added the note at the beginning that you are art connoisseurs. I’d almost forgotten. Clearly with this in-depth art appreciation piece, your names will be forever remembered as being among the greatest!