★★★★★ 4
helpful and timely
I love the tone of this book. The author comes across well, with the whole goal being to get to know our teens at the heart level.
I found myself wanting to see my kids in this same light, as wonderful people God positioned in my life for me to know and interact with. Just that part would have made this book worthwhile. It really did help to change my heart toward them.
There were some areas where I felt entitled to respect from them, but those thoughts were dashed as I realized I owe them only love. The author also addressed every question that came up, such as, "Isn't that indulgent?" "What about discipline?" "If I just love them, won't they walk all over me?" Those questions proved I just didn't understand the meaning of the word Love. These questions were particularly answered in the chapters about acts of service and gifts, two love languages that can easily be misused by both parents and teenagers. I learned some things I'd never thought of, such as making a ceremony out of gift giving, in order for it to be accepted as a gift rather than just something a son or daughter is entitled to. About acts of service, I appreciated the advice to serve, all the while explaining what we are doing, so that they will never misunderstand and think they are entitled to acts of service, and also that they will not miss what we are doing is expressing love.
Something else that was new to me, and I hadn't counted on, was the moodiness of teenagers. I didn't know that was common and that it will be outgrown. I know, I should have known, I was obviously one at one time, but I missed the obvious, and had some aha moments personally, when I read this book. I hadn't known that there is no need to be offended or intimidated by these moody spells, but to lovingly address the person just as if they were not.
There was a whole chapter devoted to finding out our teens' love languages, and even how they might have changed dialects by growing up.
The book is up to date, acknowledging that there are cell phones and electronics, and how this affects today's teens so much more than the previous generation.
The reason I don't give it five stars is because I thought the author could have used more examples of interests kids could have. So many of the examples and suggestions involved either peer relationships, homework, or sports, all areas where I thought kids would be displaying false personalities. I would have liked to read more examples about family activities in the home, where everyone tends to be more like themselves, and where the reality of their life will lie as soon as they graduate from school. It could also be that we are farming, and our lifestyle is very home centered instead of business trip/9 -5 hours oriented, and I just couldn't relate to those examples. Anyway, that small concern didn't take much away from a great book, There is so much wise advice here, that we could easily fill in our own examples from our life. This is a book I'm glad to have in my library and one that I will read again.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2013
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