After a long flight from Edmonton we arrived in London and took the tube into the city.
I discovered on the tube that my map didn’t download to the tablet properly, so all I had was the name of the hotel and the vague idea it was on the north side of Hyde Park. Matt assured me that I would find it, so I left him and his coworker on the tube and set off, all alone in a strange city.
I stepped out into a beautiful sunny day, tried desperately to recall a map of London, decided which way was north, set out confidently through Hyde Park, promptly stepped on a dead mouse and screamed. A scream that might have been appropriate if this had been the mouse:
I looked around at the crowd staring at me and realized that being alone in a huge city where you don’t know anyone has its advantages.
I continued north and found the world’s greatest invention:
Ice cream on waffles. Not in a waffle cone, but in a bowl on top of big Belgian waffles. So the ice cream melts into the waffle as a creamy syrup. That made up for the mouse.
A bit further north I found London’s famous Speaker’s Corner. I paused to listen to the nearest speaker, who was announcing that men choke women because men like women, and men like cars. They know that choking a car is good, so they assume choking a woman is also good. I don’t think he was serious, but it was somewhat hard to tell.
I decided I should find my hotel and drop off my bag before I became too absorbed. I was pretty sure the hotel name was Number 69 and it was directly across the street to the north of the park. I soon learned that is like saying a house in Edmonton is directly north of the river. Hyde park is huge! However the houses were numbered, so maybe the hotel name matched the number.
I kept walking, hopeful.
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&t=h&layer=c&cbll=51.512672,-0.16543&panoid=8BkvaLQLQL8l7P_cBImNDw&cbp=13,357.92,,0,-2.63&ll=51.507901,-0.165396&spn=0.016774,0.048237&z=14&source=embed&output=svembed&w=562&h=314]
Number 18, 19, 20, 21…
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.512604,-0.166177&panoid=CaIRC3Ql1N8yElLJcmKCag&cbp=12,19.64,,0,-7.72&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
unnumbered, unnumbered, unnumbered…
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.512253,-0.169699&panoid=KF_1pNkKQ4WeE89ofmZyPg&cbp=12,304.96,,0,0.19&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
Two blocks of thick, 10 foot high hedges….
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.511755,-0.174577&panoid=jCI2NjDpuVpShGpGLFx8aw&cbp=12,304.16,,0,2.09&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
unnumbered, under construction…
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.511509,-0.176466&panoid=B4uHyDjU2zjYlDIAYZsIRA&cbp=12,358.82,,0,-10.42&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
Number 62, 63, 64
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.511422,-0.177221&panoid=QW0pGGtKiwfsWLQRZPL21g&cbp=12,6.03,,0,-6.72&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
Pub, 67…
[googlemaps https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=number+63+london&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=London,+United+Kingdom&ll=51.522666,-0.148349&spn=0.001093,0.002411&t=h&z=14&layer=c&cbll=51.51132,-0.178034&panoid=iqJ0XPD630bdCICdSyuDdQ&cbp=12,343.62,,0,-9.5&source=embed&output=svembed&w=425&h=350]
108, 109.
At this point I realized it was a good thing Matt wasn’t with me, he would have killed me by now. I found a bench and contemplated whether asking strangers for directions to “Number 69” was likely to work out better in London than it would in Alberta. Finally I realized that the emergency numbers I had saved in my cell phone included the hotel. I called and a man answered the phone “Number 63”. I walked back to the other side of the pub sure enough there it was.
I checked in, dropped off my bag, downloaded a map and headed back out to Speaker’s Corner. A lot of people tried to save my soul. There seemed to be general agreement about the end being near, but it sounds like that has been announced every year since 1872.
Then a man tapped me on the shoulder, very urgently, looked me in the eye and told me that the world is filled with daemons, and if we would just deport all of the daemons all of our problems would be solved. Humans are only capable of a limited amount of sin because that’s all that is in our nature. So all of the people doing really bad things are actually daemons, and should be deported. I’m quite sure he was serious. I’m not sure how he intended to identify the daemons from the humans, or where he was going to deport them to. I would have asked, but even with the police presence on the corner I was a bit scared. He was wide eyed and spitting in my face as he talked. I walked closer to a man discussing how the Romans had everything right and if we just went back to their system all the problems with the world would go away. Daemon man followed me and continued spitting in my ear.
London alone is a bit scary. But ice cream on waffles is worth it.
And I will always remember what I did on August 4th.
